Facebook makes me judge you

Now how's that for a loaded title!

I bet your thinking two things:

1) She actually admitted that?

2) And she is one to judge?

Yes, I actually admitted that. And two, I know I am certifiably insane. So go with me on this one.

Facebook is my circle of friends. Some I worship with, some I am family with, some I have just met along the way of life. But nonetheless, they are my circle of friends. This doesn't mean that I agree with everything that everyone in my circle does - just like a lot of people disagree with me. Let's face it, how many of you secretly think my position on vaccines is crazy?

But putting that new degree to use, I have a point. Authenticity.

I will take the opportunity to quote an Oprah show anytime I can. One of my faves of all time was when Maya Angelou told Oprah "When people show you who they are, believe them." Profound, huh? Think back to all the grief you could have saved yourself.

The second concept on authenticity comes from my favorite author and Christian communication scholar Dr. Quentin Schultze. Dr. Schultze says the following in Habits of the High-Tech Heart:

"[It is] saying what we mean and meaning what we say. Authenticity is fundamental to healthy human relationships in every area of life as well as one of the greatest characteristics of responsible communication. It requires us to know who we are, to present that known self to others, and to avoid persona-building activities."

Back to Facebook. People make posts that make me question (or judge) their authenticity. Examples:

*The friend who tells me in private of her struggling and failing marriage, but boasts of her wonderful and loving husband on Facebook.

*The Christian ministry leader who uses Facebook to publicly attack and humiliate another.

*Attention seeking behavior or gossip in the form of a prayer request.

And there are many more examples, but they are not the point of this post. The point is, let's change. Together let us all work at being more authentic. Let's focus on truthfulness, empathy and integrity with one another, the most important elements of authenticity as a virtue, according to Dr. Schultze.

Let's be truthful in how we present ourselves - after all, when we show one another who we are, we will believe it! If your marriage sucks and is falling apart at the seams, you don't have to post it on Facebook. But you don't have to post untruthful messages proclaiming that it is.

Have empathy - you must speak the truth in love; never use technology (i.e. Facebook) to hurt another human being. I can attest first hand what my post-partum moment of insanity did to my circle of life when I wrote how my Dad how ruined Christmas. It was truthful. But it made things worse, hurt other people, and actually caused me to lose relationships. One simple post "my dad ruined my Christmas."

I guess it is time I wrap this one up. Dr. Schultze says that [technology] does not necessarily improve human communication. But I believe it can. It is up to us and how we choose to use it.

With love always,

Jillian