In the American culture, time is a commodity. Hence the expression "time is money." But this isn't the case with all cultures. I know this. I teach this. And yet, I have never taken the time (no pun intended) to examine what that looks like in my life.
I'll be the first to admit that I stress over time. There never seems to be enough of it. Right? Well, maybe... not.
It seems as though I have too many things I am trying to cram into my days. Cooking, cleaning, children, working, and on and on and on.
I took the littles for a morning excursion today. We were all needing a little time away from the house. As LJ and I enjoyed breakfast and Madi played with the other rug rats, I couldn't help but over hear two moms sitting close by. They were openly discussing the same dilemma. As they shared their struggles, the one thing that really stood out to me was how one of the women expressed how her husband's requests for time with her were, well, not welcomed. She had other more important things to do than to spend time meeting his needs.
And my heart broke for her.
But the truth is, we all, at some point, make the same mistake. Maybe not with our spouses, but with other important people and/or things in our lives.
So if time is not a commodity, then what matters? What about cultures where time isn't money? What matters are your relationships with other people. It means taking the time to do something for someone or with someone regardless of the cost it has on your time clock.
I don't know that I could recklessly abandon my clock. I do value punctuality and I respect my requests (demands) on other people's schedules. But I want to grow and realize that the is more to life than getting things done, checking things off my list, and worrying about having enough time. I do know that I want to focus more on relationships with people I love. I do know that when the end f my time on earth draws near, I am not going to be concerned with how much laundry I have done, rather how many people I have loved.
What does time mean to you? Does it need to change and if so, what do you want it to look like?
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
S is for Slob
Since this has come up a lot lately, I thought I would share.
Hi, my name is Jillian and I am a reformed slob.
Yup, your read that right.
My bedroom used to look like a bad episode of Hoarders (minus the food trash). Dirty clothes and junk everywhere. I was just joking with my friend Sarah that I would go buy new clothes instead of washing the ones I had.
So along comes this great guy, Frank. And Frank is a neat freak. And I am not. So my mom tells me that our future is dim (she actually said he would never marry me) because I was a slob. Then one day in pre-marriage counseling, he mentioned that he wanted to me to focus on becoming more neat. After freaking out and almost calling off our wedding, I made the decision to change.
And change I did. Now I am the neat freak. I throw more things out than I keep. Don't worry - in a earth friendly way:-) I organize and label and reorganize. I keep notebooks and charts with schedules and plans. I love my cleaning schedule:
Monday Master - the master suite
Tuesday Tile - the great room which includes the kitchen, living room, breakfast room and entry
Wednesday Wee Ones - Madi's room, John's room and their bathroom
Thursday Tween - Emily's world upstairs
Friday Front - the office and dining room
I also do one load of laundry and dishes everyday. Pretty fun, huh? I get to keep the house clean, spending very little time each day doing it. It doesn't always go as planned, and that is OKAY. Sometimes I want to pop my head like Jeannie and have it all clean, but instead I focus on my cleaning time as an act of worship. I use the time to thank God for our beautiful home, the children who mess it up, and the husband who works so hard to provide for it. A little attitude change goes a long way.
Don't confuse my confession with conceit. I am actually self-disclosing not to convince everyone to be a neat freak, rather to encourage you to find one thing that matters to your spouse that you are struggling with. It could be finances, cooking, intimacy, etc. Make the determination to make the change. You might surprise yourself.
Hi, my name is Jillian and I am a reformed slob.
Yup, your read that right.
My bedroom used to look like a bad episode of Hoarders (minus the food trash). Dirty clothes and junk everywhere. I was just joking with my friend Sarah that I would go buy new clothes instead of washing the ones I had.
So along comes this great guy, Frank. And Frank is a neat freak. And I am not. So my mom tells me that our future is dim (she actually said he would never marry me) because I was a slob. Then one day in pre-marriage counseling, he mentioned that he wanted to me to focus on becoming more neat. After freaking out and almost calling off our wedding, I made the decision to change.
And change I did. Now I am the neat freak. I throw more things out than I keep. Don't worry - in a earth friendly way:-) I organize and label and reorganize. I keep notebooks and charts with schedules and plans. I love my cleaning schedule:
Monday Master - the master suite
Tuesday Tile - the great room which includes the kitchen, living room, breakfast room and entry
Wednesday Wee Ones - Madi's room, John's room and their bathroom
Thursday Tween - Emily's world upstairs
Friday Front - the office and dining room
I also do one load of laundry and dishes everyday. Pretty fun, huh? I get to keep the house clean, spending very little time each day doing it. It doesn't always go as planned, and that is OKAY. Sometimes I want to pop my head like Jeannie and have it all clean, but instead I focus on my cleaning time as an act of worship. I use the time to thank God for our beautiful home, the children who mess it up, and the husband who works so hard to provide for it. A little attitude change goes a long way.
Don't confuse my confession with conceit. I am actually self-disclosing not to convince everyone to be a neat freak, rather to encourage you to find one thing that matters to your spouse that you are struggling with. It could be finances, cooking, intimacy, etc. Make the determination to make the change. You might surprise yourself.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
R is for review - 2011 at a glance
2011 is over. Another year gone by. It seems like the older I get, the faster time flies. Is it just me?
So let me take you on a journey of the Moller's 2011 highlights.
January: home sweet home! We were settling in as a family of five. LJ was trying to get a hang of eating and growing. Mads had that part down. I survived January with the help of my momma. She took some time off of work to help us settle in with two under two, while I recovered from my surgery and nursed the littlest one through prematurity. I LOVE my momma!
February: a scary month in our house. We decided (against every instinct in my soul) to give Madison a trial vaccine. It didn't go so well. She reacted horribly, proving that a) there is something genetic predisposing our children to reactions or b) vaccines aren't safe. I personally think it is a combination of the two. She made it through with no long term damage other than some reactive airway issues.
March: Em turned the big 1-2. We celebrated big time. It was a milestone for me. I've never told anyone this before, but I didn't think she would live to be 12. The only other child I have read about with the severity of vaccine injury Em had died shortly before turning 12. I dreaded her birthday, somehow irrationally afraid we would suffer the same fate. That's the down side of the vaccine injured world. So little research is done. No one knows the outcomes. The best they can say is to cherish each day, one day at a time. So we do. And it was a wonderful celebration.
April: I FINISHED MY THESIS!!! It was oh so wonderful to achieve this. After years of hard work, it was done. Frank, LJ and I boarded a plane to Michigan for some face-to-face time with my school colleagues. Did I already say it was wonderful?
May: I officially graduated with my Master's degree in Communication. Yippee!
June:I honestly cannot remember June.
July: All sorts of craziness for the Mollers. Em had a major seizure while away at church camp. My mother was with her, thank God, and could stay with her while she was rushed to the hospital. Fortunately, it was a short stay; some IV seizure meds and IV fluids and she perked right up.
Madison turned two. Now given some of my previous posts, you might think that this was the beginning of the terrible twos, but it wasn't. It was actually the beginning of some wonderful times. She really started to blossom. She potty trained within two days (FULLY including night time) started speaking in paragraphs and developed this amazing personality. She is just the best:-)
August: Two amazing things happened in August. Emily was accepted into the Monarch School for children with Neurological Differences and I met my hero, Barbara Low Fisher.
After realizing that the public schools could not meet her needs, we set out to find a place where Emily could be successful. We were led to an amazing place by our Life Care Planners, called The Monarch School. I would link a previous post, but I have to ask Elizabeth how to do that. To prevent this post from being a mile long, I will describe more about Monarch soon).
In August, we were contacted by Barbara Loe Fisher and the National Vaccine Information Center to record a documentary about Emily's vaccine reaction. More details and a link coming soon.
Oh, and how can I forget - I started my dream job teaching college speech communications! I LOVE MY JOB!!!
September - Lots of work for my new job. Lots and lots of work.
October - More work.
November - My babies got sick for the first time - we actually had to go to the doctor. Boo - it was so sad. Fortunately, they got well in time for Thanksgiving which we celebrated at our home again. It was wonderful, amazing, spectacular - need I say more. I have such a great family. We have our issues (who doesn't???) but I really love my family. Especially my parents. We had some very tough times over the years. But I love their resilience. I love how we can fight, make-up, and come out stronger on the other side.
December - The year was almost over already. I could hardly believe that our little man was turning one. One whole year had past since he joined our lives and changed us forever. Christmas was wonderful. We got to do something secret and special for someone in need. We relished in the joy of our children on Christmas day. We realized that life may never be perfect, but we are in heaven on earth. We are tremendously blessed with incredible friends, supportive family and health after some scary uncertainties years ago. And though we do not have the latest, greatest, biggest and bestest of everything, we have what we want - each other.
So let me take you on a journey of the Moller's 2011 highlights.
January: home sweet home! We were settling in as a family of five. LJ was trying to get a hang of eating and growing. Mads had that part down. I survived January with the help of my momma. She took some time off of work to help us settle in with two under two, while I recovered from my surgery and nursed the littlest one through prematurity. I LOVE my momma!
February: a scary month in our house. We decided (against every instinct in my soul) to give Madison a trial vaccine. It didn't go so well. She reacted horribly, proving that a) there is something genetic predisposing our children to reactions or b) vaccines aren't safe. I personally think it is a combination of the two. She made it through with no long term damage other than some reactive airway issues.
March: Em turned the big 1-2. We celebrated big time. It was a milestone for me. I've never told anyone this before, but I didn't think she would live to be 12. The only other child I have read about with the severity of vaccine injury Em had died shortly before turning 12. I dreaded her birthday, somehow irrationally afraid we would suffer the same fate. That's the down side of the vaccine injured world. So little research is done. No one knows the outcomes. The best they can say is to cherish each day, one day at a time. So we do. And it was a wonderful celebration.
April: I FINISHED MY THESIS!!! It was oh so wonderful to achieve this. After years of hard work, it was done. Frank, LJ and I boarded a plane to Michigan for some face-to-face time with my school colleagues. Did I already say it was wonderful?
May: I officially graduated with my Master's degree in Communication. Yippee!
June:I honestly cannot remember June.
July: All sorts of craziness for the Mollers. Em had a major seizure while away at church camp. My mother was with her, thank God, and could stay with her while she was rushed to the hospital. Fortunately, it was a short stay; some IV seizure meds and IV fluids and she perked right up.
Madison turned two. Now given some of my previous posts, you might think that this was the beginning of the terrible twos, but it wasn't. It was actually the beginning of some wonderful times. She really started to blossom. She potty trained within two days (FULLY including night time) started speaking in paragraphs and developed this amazing personality. She is just the best:-)
August: Two amazing things happened in August. Emily was accepted into the Monarch School for children with Neurological Differences and I met my hero, Barbara Low Fisher.
After realizing that the public schools could not meet her needs, we set out to find a place where Emily could be successful. We were led to an amazing place by our Life Care Planners, called The Monarch School. I would link a previous post, but I have to ask Elizabeth how to do that. To prevent this post from being a mile long, I will describe more about Monarch soon).
In August, we were contacted by Barbara Loe Fisher and the National Vaccine Information Center to record a documentary about Emily's vaccine reaction. More details and a link coming soon.
Oh, and how can I forget - I started my dream job teaching college speech communications! I LOVE MY JOB!!!
September - Lots of work for my new job. Lots and lots of work.
October - More work.
November - My babies got sick for the first time - we actually had to go to the doctor. Boo - it was so sad. Fortunately, they got well in time for Thanksgiving which we celebrated at our home again. It was wonderful, amazing, spectacular - need I say more. I have such a great family. We have our issues (who doesn't???) but I really love my family. Especially my parents. We had some very tough times over the years. But I love their resilience. I love how we can fight, make-up, and come out stronger on the other side.
December - The year was almost over already. I could hardly believe that our little man was turning one. One whole year had past since he joined our lives and changed us forever. Christmas was wonderful. We got to do something secret and special for someone in need. We relished in the joy of our children on Christmas day. We realized that life may never be perfect, but we are in heaven on earth. We are tremendously blessed with incredible friends, supportive family and health after some scary uncertainties years ago. And though we do not have the latest, greatest, biggest and bestest of everything, we have what we want - each other.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Q is for Q-T
Now how about that for a title;-) I wish I could claim the creativity, but I saw it on license plate somewhere.
Well, I have posted about all of my precious family-of-procreation members, except for little Miss Mads. She got skipped in the shuffle, so here it goes.
Mad Madi Moller. She is proof that dynamite comes in small packages. She is the miracle we prayed for and after some struggle, we were incredibly blessed when she joined our family in July of 2009, more than 10 years after Em was born.
Madi, is well, a bit of a drama queen. (I have no idea where she gets it from!?!? hee hee hee!) From conception to birth, she let her presence be known. My pregnancy was less than comfortable, but nevertheless, I loved every second of her growing in my belly. Her first few months, were tough, at best. With some colic and reflux, our precious high-maintenance baby, cried and cried for hours everyday. But then she got mobile, and watch out world, here she comes!
Now we see how much her personality infused those first few months. Mads is brilliant and feisty, determined and strong willed. But her smile can light up the darkest of rooms. She has a sweet sense of humor and her giggles just warm my heart. She is definitely a daddy's girl, but even he can be the brunt of her anger when Madi is in a "mood." Just the other morning, while getting ready for school she said "Daddy, you need to be quiet."
In my heart, I know God gave us Mads to help when the day comes that we can no longer care for Em. Em is going to need someone who is stubborn and head strong - someone who can fight like hell for her.
I am so glad that this sweet creature is a part of my life. It has been amazing to travel this journey with my best friend and love of my life.
Monday, October 24, 2011
P is for priorities
So much is going on in my crazy life right now. And God sent me a little wake-up call.
I was teaching about chronemics, or the use of time as communication. We discussed how time communicates messages of power and value. For example, when a doctor keeps you waiting for an extending period of time, yet cancels your appointment if you run late, they are sending you the message that they are in a position of power in the relationship and that their time is more valuable than your own.
Chronemics can also work in the sense that people can tell our values by how we choose to spend out time - where we put our time is in what we value; our priorities.
Well, then, I guess my priorities are cleaning, driving, my iPhone..... you get the point.
Why is my life not reflecting my heart, right now, at least? I think it is because my priorities are all out of whack. So I am starting a new plan - time to get things back into balance.
God - I will put God first by taking turns (with Frank) going to church when the kids are sick instead of the whole family staying home. I will also replace 15 minutes a day of iPhone time with Bible reading time.
Husband - I will turn the TV off in the bedroom - no TV after 8pm. (I think he is going to like this one!)
Children - I will only clean house for 2 hours a day. The rest of the time will be spent playing, reading, swinging or whatever my littles want to do.
Work - I will spend 3 hours each Saturday and Sunday preparing lectures, and no more than one hour per evening on other related tasks.
Me (yup - I am in there somewhere) I will take 2 hours a week to craft in the office. No kids, no distractions, just pure me and the sewing machine, bow making time!
I'll let you all know how it goes!
J
I was teaching about chronemics, or the use of time as communication. We discussed how time communicates messages of power and value. For example, when a doctor keeps you waiting for an extending period of time, yet cancels your appointment if you run late, they are sending you the message that they are in a position of power in the relationship and that their time is more valuable than your own.
Chronemics can also work in the sense that people can tell our values by how we choose to spend out time - where we put our time is in what we value; our priorities.
Well, then, I guess my priorities are cleaning, driving, my iPhone..... you get the point.
Why is my life not reflecting my heart, right now, at least? I think it is because my priorities are all out of whack. So I am starting a new plan - time to get things back into balance.
God - I will put God first by taking turns (with Frank) going to church when the kids are sick instead of the whole family staying home. I will also replace 15 minutes a day of iPhone time with Bible reading time.
Husband - I will turn the TV off in the bedroom - no TV after 8pm. (I think he is going to like this one!)
Children - I will only clean house for 2 hours a day. The rest of the time will be spent playing, reading, swinging or whatever my littles want to do.
Work - I will spend 3 hours each Saturday and Sunday preparing lectures, and no more than one hour per evening on other related tasks.
Me (yup - I am in there somewhere) I will take 2 hours a week to craft in the office. No kids, no distractions, just pure me and the sewing machine, bow making time!
I'll let you all know how it goes!
J
Sunday, October 16, 2011
O is for optimism
You know the old expression - glass half full or glass half empty. Well, I am definitely a half-full kind of person. I have learned through various struggles that you can choose to look on the brighter side of life. Now this isn't to say that I don't have my half-empty days - I think we all do, but my over all perspective is optimistic.
Lately, I have been reflecting on some failed friendships. Maybe failed isn't the best word. Listen to me - Mrs. Interpersonal Communication Teacher. I know friendships have stages and I know that some dissolve - that is just life. But I have been interested in seeking a common thread - specifically my role in these so-called failed friendships. After all, isn't part of my mission in life to grow to be more like Christ in everything I do.
So what I have discovered is two-part - my role in relational dissolution and the "other's" role.
My part is simple - I don't think I tell people who I am. Yes, I am very outgoing, social and I love to spend time with friends. BUT and a very very very big but, I am a home body. I love to be at home with my family, hanging out, cleaning house, playing games, etc. I do not prefer girl friend time over family time. And husband time comes before anything else. That's right - I will ditch girl's night out in a heartbeat if that means snuggling on the couch with my hubby. It doesn't mean that I don't value our friendship; it doesn't mean that I don't enjoy another's company. I just prefer quiet down time. So there - now you know;-)
The second part and inspiration for this quote, is that I am VERY sensitive to negativity. VERY sensitive. It drains me. It sucks the life out of me. Negative friends can literal bring me down in a heartbeat.
This doesn't just include the Negative Nancy - you all know the type; the constant complainer. Everything is always bad - work, school, children, you name it. Just makes me want to shout "can you be happy about just one thing!?!?!?"
It is also the one upper - you know, you lose 1 pound she loses 2. Your husband is out of town for 1 week, hr husband is always gone. Ugh - just typing about this makes me tic. Good things here too. She is always better or worse than you. And forget about the empathy; she doesn't have it.
And lastly, the trouble maker. This one is hard to describe but you know it when you meet her. She struggles with keeping it real. Maybe tells you one thing, then goes behind your back and says the opposite. She likes to instigate trouble in your life, spreading rumors, belittling you, rude and tactless comments... the list goes on.
I really can get along with anyone - even all of the types above - but in very small doses. I think that in the end it is important to be able to say that some relationships just don't work. It is okay to begin a friendship and realize that you don't have to be best friends. It has taken me a long time to come to this realization, but some people are better suited for others when it comes to friendships. I need people who can be positive, real and respectful of who I am without putting me down. This doesn't always happen - but it can.
So with all of this negative talk, I need to bring this to an end. Time to enjoy dinner with some people I love and to pray and be thankful for my wonderful friends.
Lots of love - J
Lately, I have been reflecting on some failed friendships. Maybe failed isn't the best word. Listen to me - Mrs. Interpersonal Communication Teacher. I know friendships have stages and I know that some dissolve - that is just life. But I have been interested in seeking a common thread - specifically my role in these so-called failed friendships. After all, isn't part of my mission in life to grow to be more like Christ in everything I do.
So what I have discovered is two-part - my role in relational dissolution and the "other's" role.
My part is simple - I don't think I tell people who I am. Yes, I am very outgoing, social and I love to spend time with friends. BUT and a very very very big but, I am a home body. I love to be at home with my family, hanging out, cleaning house, playing games, etc. I do not prefer girl friend time over family time. And husband time comes before anything else. That's right - I will ditch girl's night out in a heartbeat if that means snuggling on the couch with my hubby. It doesn't mean that I don't value our friendship; it doesn't mean that I don't enjoy another's company. I just prefer quiet down time. So there - now you know;-)
The second part and inspiration for this quote, is that I am VERY sensitive to negativity. VERY sensitive. It drains me. It sucks the life out of me. Negative friends can literal bring me down in a heartbeat.
This doesn't just include the Negative Nancy - you all know the type; the constant complainer. Everything is always bad - work, school, children, you name it. Just makes me want to shout "can you be happy about just one thing!?!?!?"
It is also the one upper - you know, you lose 1 pound she loses 2. Your husband is out of town for 1 week, hr husband is always gone. Ugh - just typing about this makes me tic. Good things here too. She is always better or worse than you. And forget about the empathy; she doesn't have it.
And lastly, the trouble maker. This one is hard to describe but you know it when you meet her. She struggles with keeping it real. Maybe tells you one thing, then goes behind your back and says the opposite. She likes to instigate trouble in your life, spreading rumors, belittling you, rude and tactless comments... the list goes on.
I really can get along with anyone - even all of the types above - but in very small doses. I think that in the end it is important to be able to say that some relationships just don't work. It is okay to begin a friendship and realize that you don't have to be best friends. It has taken me a long time to come to this realization, but some people are better suited for others when it comes to friendships. I need people who can be positive, real and respectful of who I am without putting me down. This doesn't always happen - but it can.
So with all of this negative talk, I need to bring this to an end. Time to enjoy dinner with some people I love and to pray and be thankful for my wonderful friends.
Lots of love - J
Sunday, October 9, 2011
N is for New kind of normal
Once again, I seemed to have slipped back on my posting. Life has been blessedly busy. All sorts of changes have turned things a little upside down. Long gone are the days of sleeping in late and cuddling with the babies, waiting for the school bus to take Em to school, being a full-time stay-at-home-mom... we now have a new kind of normal.
Normal days now start before 6 am. Getting three children dressed and ready for the day is quite the task. Lunches, back packs, diaper bags, so much before we head out the door by 7am.
On most mornings, Frank drops the girls off at school, while I begin the home chores. It is amazing how much laundry a family of five can produce. Then in the afternoons, our carpool schedule can last as long as three hours. Twice a week, Grandma watches the littles so I can sneak off to work and share my passion with budding college students. Night time routines leave just enough energy to fall into bed with enough time to say a few prayers before our heads hit the pillows. All this stuff is just life. The changes have meant very little down time, but it is just a part of life.
The new kind of normal is mostly in regards to our Em.
Normal now means not having to explain to the teacher or school that a seizure has her feeling sluggish.
Normal now means not having to explain to other parents her odd behavior or meltdowns.
Normal now means being a place where she can excel and be celebrated instead of at the bottom of the pack struggling to survive.
Normal now means that someone understands our daily lives, our internal struggles, our endless prayers.
Normal now means wonderful friends who are there to hold me up when I can't stand.
Normal now means being a part of a community where neurologically different isn't so different.
Normal now means watching my daughter blossom. Yes, blossom. She is growing and changing right before my eyes. She is blooming with vivid colors of happiness. We are learning together as a family how to exist with epilepsy and autism.
For the past couple of years, I have adopted a theme song for Emily's life. "Butterfly Fly Away" by Miley Cyrus. Here are the lyrics:
You tuck me in, turn out the light
Kept me safe and sound at night
Little girls depend on things like that
Brushed my teeth and combed my hair
Had to drive me everywhere
You were always there when I looked back
You had to do it all alone
Make a living, make a home
Must have been as hard as it could be
And when I couldn't sleep at night
Scared things wouldn't turn out right
You would hold my hand and sing to me
Caterpillar in the tree
How you wonder who you'll be
Can't go far but you can always dream
Wish you may and wish you might
Don't you worry, hold on tight
I promise you there will come a day
Butterfly fly away
Butterfly fly away
Got your wings, now you can't stay
Take those dreams and make them all come true
Butterfly fly away
You've been waiting for this day
All along and know just what to do
Butterfly, Butterfly, Butterfly
Butterfly fly away
I guess I shouldn't be surprised by the irony. The Monarch School, monarch butterfly, watching my sweet girl transform before my eyes. If our lives have changed so much over the past few weeks, imagine what the next few years have in store.
Kept me safe and sound at night
Little girls depend on things like that
Brushed my teeth and combed my hair
Had to drive me everywhere
You were always there when I looked back
You had to do it all alone
Make a living, make a home
Must have been as hard as it could be
And when I couldn't sleep at night
Scared things wouldn't turn out right
You would hold my hand and sing to me
Caterpillar in the tree
How you wonder who you'll be
Can't go far but you can always dream
Wish you may and wish you might
Don't you worry, hold on tight
I promise you there will come a day
Butterfly fly away
Butterfly fly away
Got your wings, now you can't stay
Take those dreams and make them all come true
Butterfly fly away
You've been waiting for this day
All along and know just what to do
Butterfly, Butterfly, Butterfly
Butterfly fly away
I guess I shouldn't be surprised by the irony. The Monarch School, monarch butterfly, watching my sweet girl transform before my eyes. If our lives have changed so much over the past few weeks, imagine what the next few years have in store.
To the team at The Monarch Institute, there will never be enough thank yous. Thank you for helping us make our dreams come true.
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